Missing Disclaimer - Cyber Monday

Thank you for participating in this fake internet holiday that gives you an unnecessary incentive to blow off doing any actual work the Monday after the Thanksgiving holiday. We hope the discounts you received will help you deal with the inevitable rash of spam emails that are heading to your inbox; and we apologize in advance for the sheer number of messages about erectile dysfunction that you will be deleting in the days and weeks ahead.

One piece of advice, before you email your social security number to your "bank" or click on a Facebook friend request from someone you've never heard of, don't forget that you handed over your email address to the good folks at grandmascouponcupboard.com and savememoneyhoney.com. Failure to remember this Cyber Monday behavior is likely to result in your future participation in Identity Theft Thursday.

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Missing Diclaimer - On-Campus Interviews

While the title of this process has not changed, students should not construe any of the interviews that they currently have scheduled as an indication of future employment. Instead, these are merely intended to be fact-finding missions for students and law firms. Students should use this time to find out what strategies lawyers can use to remain employed at a firm. Employers will likely be using the meeting to determine what kind of public interest positions might interest students. Even if you feel positive about a particular meeting, do not expect to receive a follow-up offer to join what the profession once called "summer programs." This money drain has been plugged.

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Missing Disclaimer - Cash for Clunkers

While this program can assist a buyer with the purchase of a newer, smaller and more fuel efficient automobile, it in no way guarantees such vehicle will serve the needs of the typical, oversized American family. In fact, once certain necessary modifications* are made, some customers may find that their so-called clunker was actually more fuel efficient than their new vehicle. Cash for clunkers is a program of limited duration and should not be seen as an indication that the federal government will support future programs including but not limited to dollars for doughnuts, bills for botox or coins for camping.

*Such modifications include the addition of one or more of the following: a top carrier, a yuppie wagon, or the timeless U-Haul trailer.

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Missing Disclaimer - The Bar Exam

While this test will decide which individuals will be licensed to practice law, it is in no way designed or intended to evaluate a particular test taker’s likelihood of success as a lawyer. It is merely crafted to ensure that all participants experience the intense stress and self-doubt that will accompany any attorney’s career. Please also be advised that while individuals will express intense opposition to the format and/or content of the bar exam during their preparation time, their outrage will soon fade. We find that almost all successful test takers immediately acknowledge that others should have to endure the same sadistic rite of passage. Finally, no money you spent on overstudying for this exam will ever be recouped.

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Missing Disclaimer - The Palin Resignation

"Hi American friends. I know I wasn't the clearest the other day when I announced that I was resigning from my post as leader of the best stinkin' state in the U.S. of A. Really, though, I thought it was kinda obvious. Look, during the campaign I talked about how living in Alaska is kind of like majoring in foreign policy because Alaska is close to some of America's biggest enemies. Well, apparently, somebody named King Kong or Kim Jong over there in Northern Korea was listening and now he's firing off missiles that could reach my backyard faster than David Letterman can sling one-liners about my daughter. So, I've decided to grab some running shoes and short shorts, drape myself in the American flag and skedaddle on down to the lower 48 for some safety and security. Can't wait to see you regular joe's on a more regular basis!"

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Missing Disclaimer - Cialis

"Our advertisements that show two people in separate tubs on a secluded mountainside are not intended to simulate the best way for you to enjoy our product. When the moment is right, we hope that you will not be in this situation. If you do happen to be in a tub when Cialis begins to 'kick in,' please take time to carefully move yourself and your significant other to a less slippery, less separate, more private and more padded location. If you still remain 'ready to go' four hours after you have taken a dose of Cialis, promptly find a tub, fill it with cool water and calm yourself down. If this doesn't work, please seek medical assistance immediately."

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Missing Disclaimer - Six Flags

"While Six Flags has decided to take its creditors on a 'Great Adventure' to restructure its debt, please do not let this impact your day of fun at any of our 20 theme parks. Our pursuit of a 'Great America' is founded on the principle that no 'Magic Mountain' is too steep to climb. As such, we will do anything we can, including lobbying for an amusement stimulus from the government, so that we do not have to cut back on any of our awesome rides or amazing attractions. We simply urge you, our special guest, to remember to keep any pursuit of enjoyment at our parks within your means. If not, you too may be joining us in Chapter 11 bankruptcy."

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Missing Disclaimer - General Motors

"As the former and current Heartbeat of America, General Motors is indebted to our friends in Washington, D.C. If at some point in time the federal government encounters a need for your vehicle, a nationwide recall maybe initiated. When this occurs, an alert will be broadcast over all major news outlets. The next day, sometime between the hours of 8AM and 11PM, a representative from the Obama administration will be at your house to claim your automobile for temporary use in the federal fleet. A government recall does not provide the owner with the right to a loaner vehicle. Instead, GM encourages you to take this opportunity to ponder the positive environmental impact that you will be having by not driving during this time. GM is also working to see if Hyundai would be willing to pay you for this inconvenience as they generally seem to be giving money away these days."

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Missing Disclaimer - Red Bull

While most Red Bull beverages do not contain anything beyond two servings of Mountain Dew, some may contain additional ingredients. As a result, when you are drinking Red Bull you might begin to believe that you are actually growing wings. We believe this is due to the delicious taste of our beverage, but it may also be due to trace amounts of cocaine that can be found in some of our cans. Red Bull is not responsible for any customer that fails to pass an upcoming drug screening.

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Missing Disclaimer - Dancing with the Stars

Content Disclaimer: Despite the title of this program, ABC does not represent that everyone appearing on the show will in fact be a "star." ABC can only guarantee that individuals appearing on Dancing with the Stars will at some point in time be dancing or appearing to dance while wearing tight and glittery outfits. All contestants will be repeatedly be referred to as stars so that eventually you may forget just how little you knew about someone like Drew Lachey or Rocco DiSpirito.

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Missing Disclaimers - The Snuggie

Content Disclaimer: Pictures of individuals enjoying the Snuggie while on hayrides, in the bleachers at sporting events or at a picnic are in no way meant to imply that it is appropriate to wear nothing but a Snuggie while in public. The Snuggie does not provide the appropriate or necessary amount of coverage to be worn as a stand-alone garment, even in a mobile home community. Oversized individuals should consider the use of multiple Snuggies even in private settings.

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