Litination is willing to take Judicial Notice of the fact that praciticing law can be stressful. That's why lots of practicing lawyers advise others to choose a different career path. Thanks to the article below, this conversation should get much easier.
Prospective lawyer: "I think I'm going to apply to law school, I just love the idea of being a lawyer."
Practicing lawyer: "Listen kid, this is not something you want to pursue. If you do, you'll be saddled with a constant feeling of impending doom equivalent to that dream you've probably had about wearing your underwear to class or forgetting to study for a test. In time, this will cause all of your emotions to die...just die."
Prospective lawyer: "Um, ok. Point taken. I think I'll go with Plan B and enlist in the military."
"Law Practice Can Trigger Stress Disorder, says Attorney Who Now Works as Therapist"
If you've missed a filing deadline, forgotten a client meeting, or double-booked a deposition, you know that a good excuse can be crucial. Lawyers aren't known for their creativity, but Litination can't imagine a lawyer trying "I had an early morning gig as a clown." On the other hand, "I had to go to the hospital because I drank antifreeze" seems much more plausible. 
To: Gretchen Rossi
Date: March 17, 2010 From: Litination
Message: Miss Rossi, Litination called early today regarding a breaking news story on RadarOnline. Litination was wondering why, after putting so much time and effort into avoiding service of legal papers from your ex-husband, you decided to attend a very public fashion show. Litination believes this was scripted by the producers of the Real Housewives of Orange County but is willing to accept a response that you are just kind of dumb. Litination also wanted to make sure you were aware that you missed a button on the shirt you're wearing on your website.
Angela Markson usually ends up regretting her weekly trip to Taco Bell with her husband Jeffrey. This past Thursday, however, Markson wept openly as Kentucky District Court Judge Wilbur Arkinson ruled the usual consequences of "burrito night" were sufficient to create the probable cause necessary for police to search their parked vehicle and obtain the evidence that was being used to charge the Marksons with theft.
“Team TP” is in many respects a small law firm. Baker Botts has three senior partners, two junior partners, six associates, and two paralegals working on the Tycoon Products defense. Since Baker Botts adheres to the “substantive work goes to the highest biller” model, Wilmore’s tasks have consisted almost entirely of document review and memos summarizing deposition transcripts. Not surprisingly, Wilmore has never interacted with anyone at Tycoon. One time, a partner on the case emailed that Tycoon’s General Counsel was coming to the firm, but somehow there wasn’t enough time in the day to bring him by Wilmore’s interior office for a meeting. Today, Wilmore will probably not even get introduced on the call, but he will hear something first-hand for the first time. According to one of Wilmore’s colleagues, “he’s got a little bit more of a bounce in his step today. I mean it’s not every day that an associate get this close to the client. It shows the partners have confidence that he won’t blow the situation by….well, hmm, how could he blow that situation? Maybe they just don’t want too many people to realize how it’s not that hard to talk to clients?” When we reached Wilmore minutes before the call, he seemed ready to go. “I have several pens and a notepad ready so that I can take some seriously detailed notes today,” he explained energetically. “I’ll probably have to cancel my dinner plans tonight too because I want to turn around the interview summary memo fast.” When we questioned Wilmore on whether he anticipates actually speaking on the call, he just looked back blankly – “You do realize I work at Baker Botts, right?” And then he hung up. Guess his phone skills do need some work.
For the first time since he joined Baker Botts two years ago, associate Paul Wilmore has a pretty important meeting on his Outlook calendar. This afternoon, sixth-year associate Jason Moon has asked Wilmore to second-chair a conference call with an employee at firm client Tycoon Products. Baker Botts has been defending products liability lawsuits against Tycoon related to its weight loss pill “Metabozilla” since early 2007 and Wilmore has been part of “Team TP” since he billed his first minute at the firm.
It's probably not long before the legal profession itself will be open to the animal kingdom. Which reminds us, have you heard about the fish who tried to file a lawsuit? His case was dismissed because standing was an issue. How about the one about the bird who became a judge? After just a couple of minutes on the bench, he started to go cuckoo. Ouch, that one kind of hurts.
Is the legal profession going to the dogs? Maybe in Switzerland. According to the Associated Press, on March 7, 2010, voters in the neutral country will decide whether every canton (state) should be required to appoint an animal lawyer to represent the interests of pets and farm animals in court. This begs the question, will lawyers be taking these cases pro bone-o?
The public spat between Associate Justice Samuel Alito and President Barack Obama that took place during Mr. Obama’s State of the Union address has received enough coverage and analysis to make Wolf Blitzer’s whiskers start to twitch. The seemingly never-ending buzz, however, is understandable. Even though Supreme Court Justices receive extensive training on how to sit completely emotionless at such speeches, Alito couldn’t help himself from having an inaudible Joe Wilson moment. What’s next? Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg raising the roof when she agrees with an applause line? A public battle between the Executive and Judicial branches? Well, maybe.
Just yesterday, Alito took the growing rift with Obama over the Supreme Court’s decision in Citizens United v. FEC to the next level. In a move that some commentators are calling “childish,” Justice Alito has removed President Obama from his list of friends on the internet social networking site Facebook. According to Ashton Kutcher’s twitterfeed, the judicial diss occurred at some point during the early afternoon while Alito was supposedly hearing oral argument at the Supreme Court. This begs the question, are jurors not the only ones inappropriately feeding their internet fix when court is in session?
“Look, this is completely off the record, but I talked to him about the State of the Union and I’ve talked to him about surfing the web during oral arguments,” said Chief Justice John Roberts [sorry about that record, Chief]. “He’s just a guy that marches to the beat of his own drum. I told him that no matter what Obama says about the Citizens United decision, he was absolutely not to break our signature ‘watching paint dry’ expression. Apparently, that fell on deaf ears.”
Analysts say Alito’s move to drop Obama as a friend should not be taken lightly. Of all of the Supreme Court Justices with Facebook pages, Alito has the fewest number of friends. In fact, Associate Justice Sandra Sotomayor, has more than thirty times as many friends as Alito even though they both went to Princeton and Yale. Is that Alito’s discretion at work or an indication of his lack of social skills? White House Press Secretary Roberts Gibbs thinks it’s the latter. At today’s press conference he had this to say about the Alito snub – “let’s just say the President was being diplomatic when he decided to accept the friend request in the first place.” Oh snap!
Read More......
When Paul Hastings partner Jeffrey Schmidt flipped through his calendar this past Monday he was utterly mystified at what he saw. Friday, the day he was planning to leave early to “drum up business” at the local racquet club, was completely blocked off for a jury trial in the United States District Court for the District of Columbia. “It couldn’t be,” Schmidt thought to himself. “That case for Wilkinson Oil has to have settled.” Then it hit him, in the midst of consistently ignoring phone calls and emails, he had totally forgotten to settle the case. As a result, Schmidt was potentially encountering something he hadn’t seen in more than a dozen years of BigLaw practice – a case that actually needs to be tried in front of a judge or jury.
Frantically, Schmidt scanned his brain for the name of the associate who handles the Wilkinson Oil case. After some trial and error, he reached Elizabeth Cummings, a fifth year that he only remembered as someone who sent way too many emails. Cummings was ecstatic at hearing from Schmidt. “Jeff, thank God you called – where have you been? I have been trying to reach you since the court denied our summary judgment motion three months ago! I’ve been flying this ship without a proper license and I need your help.” Schmidt apologized for being “out of pocket” and agreed to meet Cummings in a conference room on the 22nd floor to get up to speed.
Two hours later, Schmidt finally made his way to the conference room where encountered a bleary Cummings surrounded by stacks of boxes, notepads and take-out containers. “What in the world have you been doing in here?” Schmidt asked with incredulity. “Isn’t this just a breach of contract case?” Cummings, resisting the urge to dive at Schmidt and stuff every piece of paper in the room down his throat, calmly replied, “Well Jeff, per my daily emails and voicemails I have been finalizing our exhibit and witness lists, preparing deposition designations and filing motions in limine by last Friday’s deadline!”
As Cummings spoke, Schmidt got immediately distracted by how much she looked like his niece from Colorado before getting completely overwhelmed by a pounding headache. “Cummings!” Schmidt interjected. “Please stop. My brain can’t take all of this at once. I’m going to talk to the client about resolving this thing so you can stand down.” Cummings again quickly counted to 10 before asking if Schmidt got the “settlement is not an option” email from the client last week.
Schmidt feigned anger, muttered “of course I did” and stormed out of the room to return to his office. Alone in his office a moment later, his heart racing, Schmidt tried to calm his emotions before turning to his computer, pulling up Google and typing in “books on how to try a breach of contract case.” Good luck Wilkinson Oil, good luck.
