Everyone in the Lipski family always said that Tyler Lipski was going to be a lawyer. As a teenager, he loved to spend dinners cross-examining family members on even the most mundane topics. Despite his socially awkward behavior, the Lipskis were genuinely proud when their son decided to apply to law school, and when he was accepted to Emory, it made the family Christmas card. These expectations, coupled with Lipski’s almost ever-present air of self-importance, led to what was perhaps one of the worst trips home for Thanksgiving during the first year of law school in recent history.
Upon arriving home, Lipski immediately launched into a dissertation about how he wanted to draft up some new contracts for his parents’ housekeeper and landscaper. “Look, these people need to put something binding on the table or they’re going to keep churning out the same mediocre product week in and week out,” exclaimed a confident Lipski as he thumbed through Williston on Contracts. When his Mom asked him what exactly he didn’t like about the way the house looked, he his rolled eyes and said, “Stop thinking like a layperson Mom and start thinking about the consideration that is going into the agreements you enter, ok?”
During and after Thanksgiving dinner, Lipski was approached by numerous relatives seeking advice. Uncle Ralph was anxious to hear if he could somehow cancel his Verizon wireless contract without paying the early termination fee, Aunt Julie was insistent on knowing if it was unconstitutional for men and women to have to use separate bathrooms, and cousin Trevor discretely pressed him on how he could successfully argue that he only smoked marijuana medicinally if he was caught getting high while working at the local library. Time after time, Lipski offered advice that was unsupported by any legal principle and generally terrible.
Equally disappointing was Lipski’s introduction of a new catch phrase. No matter the conversation, when the moment felt right, Lipski would jump in and exclaim, “I’ll be judge of that!” before issuing an often inflammatory opinion. He also subjected anyone he could corner to a demonstration of the Socratic Method. According to Lipski’s high school classmate, Jeffrey Peters, this cost Lipski an opportunity to hook up with former Prom Queen Marla Durst the day after Thanksgiving. “I flat out heard her ask him if he’d like to go back to her place and he responded with a string of questions that obviously turned her off,” explained Peters. “When I busted him for his lack of game, he said something ridiculous about the law being a jealous mistress. Sounds like a guy who has a little too much fun with his horn books.”
