Passed Gas Enough to Support Theft Charge

Angela Markson usually ends up regretting her weekly trip to Taco Bell with her husband Jeffrey. This past Thursday, however, Markson wept openly as Kentucky District Court Judge Wilbur Arkinson ruled the usual consequences of "burrito night" were sufficient to create the probable cause necessary for police to search their parked vehicle and obtain the evidence that was being used to charge the Marksons with theft.

The incident started when the Marksons were parked in a Best Buy parking lot after a substantial dinner of super-sized Mexican food and jumbo-sized sodas. During a discussion about whether to buy a 42" or 50" flat screen television, Mr. Markson was overcome with a need to let the musical fruit that had made up more than 65% of his dinner free to perform. As he let one rip, his wife groaned with disgust, and unfortunately for both Marksons, the two local police officers walking behind their vehicle took notice.

According to the officers, the sound emminating from the Marksons' Honda CRV was of a tone and quality that clearly indicated a potential for harm. State Patrolman Evan Crawford testified that it sounded like a combination of "a rabbid dog and a man having a heart attack." Concerned, the officers rushed to the Marksons' car and asked the couple to step out of the vehicle. When they did, the officers came across an SUV almost overflowing with pink flamingo lawn ornaments - the exact items that had been reported by local news station KSPK as being stolen from many front lawns in Paducah, Kentucky. The Marksons were immediately handcuffed and taken to the local police station

At a preliminary hearing, the Marksons' attorney moved to suppress the pink flamingo evidence on the grounds that the police lacked probable cause to search the Marksons' vehicle. Judge Arkinson, however, ruled that the loud noise generated by Mr. Markson justified the search. He sided with the officers in finding that the rumbling was of a magnitude that would strike fear in the heart of any American. Judge Arkinson further noted to all those present in his courtroom that this was just one more reason why people should avoid eating at "Taco Hell" at all costs.