Things Lawyers Like

Item 2 – Monograms

Need a shortcut to determine whether you have retained a successful lawyer? Look for the lawyer’s frequent use of his monogram. For lawyers, nothing says “I’ve made it” like putting one’s initials all over writing instruments, notepads, cuff links, drinking glasses, portfolios, towels, mugs, paperweights, ties, license plates and shirts. If Charles Darwin and Joseph A. Bank were contemporaries, they would almost certainly publish an article about how natural selection dictates that the dominant lawyers will always be monogrammed.

A step short of the family crest, the monogram provides the successful lawyer with a quick, yet highly effective way to show off his namesake and disposable income. Sometimes, a lawyer will sport a monogram on his cufflinks, breast pocket and ballpoint pen all at the same time. This type of lawyer is called a partner. If you have an important legal question, these are the types of lawyers you will want to seek out.

Be careful, however, as these highly-monogrammed creatures can be dangerous to your bottom line. If cost is a concern, you will want to make sure that a less monogrammed lawyer, called an associate lawyer or peon, is working on your legal issue with the partner lawyer. An associate lawyer will make fun of the monogrammed partner lawyer for several years before giving in and celebrating a particularly successful year of practice by purchasing a monogrammed pen or a pair of monogrammed cuff links.