Jones Day to Freeze Associates

Following a string of recent announcements from law firms regarding salary freezes and reductions in bonuses, Jones Day today announced a ground-breaking program to freeze its associate class of 2006 in response to the current economic downturn. According to a firm spokesperson, “Jones Day is committed to responding to this difficult fiscal environment with creative and proactive approaches that both help our clients and offer our talented attorneys the best path forward. When thawed, these associates will re-enter the workforce with the same vigor that we have come to expect from them as hot-blooded lawyers.”

According to the plan, Jones Day will fly all associates that graduated from law school in 2006 to the Alcor Life Extension Foundation’s headquarters in Scottsdale, Arizona. Once there, associates will be cryogenically frozen until a time when the firm can use the additional billable hours. Jones Day has retained a panel of experts to advise them of the time at which to re-heat this associate class. Members of the panel reportedly include MSNBC’s Jim Cramer, Wall Street analyst Meredith Whitney and the ladies from ABC’s The View. A rumor that the Jones Day associates will be kept in the same cryogenic containment chamber as Walt Disney is also currently circulating through the blogosphere.

Early reports indicate that most 2006 Jones Day associates are pleased by this course of action. “Honestly, I wasn’t getting much work these days anyway,” stated corporate associate Jason Alpert when reached for comment earlier this afternoon. “Sure, my Mom is totally freaking out about this whole thing, but I keep telling her that when I decided to accept an offer from Jones Day I made a commitment to the firm. In fact, when I was told about this whole initiative the firm actually referenced a clause in my offer letter that says that I could be cryogenically frozen at any time. I can’t believe I missed that the first time around.”

Commentators believe that the class of 2006 is being targeted because they have reached the point in their careers at which most big law associates begin to want more from their firm, including a substantial bump in base salary. According to William Buttonwood, an associate professor of business management at the University of Baltimore, “The first and second year associates generally do not mind hours of never-ending document review or exclusion from strategy decisions. Starting in the third year and extending to the fifth year of an associate’s relationship with a firm, however, the balance of exploitation with appreciation becomes a bit more difficult. Associates, therefore, often feel frozen in time at this point in their career. Jones Day is basically saying let’s crystallize that feeling.”