"Honestly, as a tax associate during tax season this is the best smile I'm going to be able to muster for like the next two to three months."
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Associate Photo Caption
Friday, March 20, 2009
Things Lawyers Like - Blackberries
Nothing gives the lawyer more of a natural high than the buzz of the blackberry announcing that a message awaits. Although there have been no reported instances of a blackberry message self-destructing in five minutes, most lawyers will jump to read an incoming e-mail on their blackberry faster than Joan Rivers pursuing another Botox injection. The lawyer loves the blackberry, and from all accounts, the feeling is mutual.
Blackberries also help lawyers appear busy. It is a habit learned early in law school when the “I’m studying and you’re not so you’re probably going to fail Civil Procedure” games begin. For the practicing lawyer, appearing busy means being wanted by clients and being wanted by clients means billing hours and billing hours means making it big.
As an added bonus, blackberries allow the lawyer to mix billing with almost any other imaginable activity. Lawyers can be found checking their blackberries while on the way to the printer, at a meeting, in the elevator, at the coffee station, in the bathroom, at the baseball game, at the gym, at restaurants and in bed. The blackberry is also a social savior for lawyers. Blackberries can provide lawyers with needed relief from an awkward date, a painful conversation, a long car ride with the in-laws and almost any “honey-do” list created by their significant others.
They say that the law is a jealous mistress… a mistress that now has the blackberry to help her keep lawyers by her side.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Partner Doppelganger
If Orrick partner Timothy J. Long had a
doppelganger it would be...
Emmy-nominated actor, Jason Bateman.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Named Plaintiff Getting a Big Ego
Stewart Carpington remembers exactly how excited he was the day that he purchased his iPod Nano in 2005. “I just loved listening to that thing at work,” explained Carpington, a toll collector on New Jersey’s Garden State Parkway, “but I had no idea how much that piece of crap Nano would change my life.” One month after Carpington bought his iPod, he was contacted by Jennifer Brintzen of Campally & Jones LLP, one of the nation’s most successful plaintiffs’ firms. Brinzton wondered if Caprington ever noticed how easily his iPod Nano scratched, and if he did, would he be interested in becoming a named plaintiff in a class action lawsuit.
“I was surprised to get that call from the lawyer, because I didn’t see anything wrong with my Nano at first,” admitted Carpington, “but after she told me about the special reward I could get as a lead plaintiff, I rubbed the thing face down in my toll booth and bam, it was scratched so bad it wasn’t usable.” The next day Carpington signed up to be the named plaintiff in a class action against Apple seeking damages because the devices scratched excessively during normal usage, rendering the screen on the Nanos unreadable, and violating state consumer protection statutes.
As Mr. Carpington started meeting with lawyers and going to court appearances, he heard a number of comments about how other people needed to be more like him. Before long, this went straight to his head. For example, the night after his deposition Carpington and his wife stopped in for dinner at their neighborhood Applebee’s. When they were told the wait could be 30-45 minutes Stewart erupted with a “do you have any idea who I am?!” When the hostess rolled her eyes in response, Carpington stormed out of the restaurant yelling “you people have no idea how much I’m doing for you.”
Carpington has recently been spotted approaching complete strangers listening to Nanos and advising them to “join his cause.” His Chrysler Sebring also now sports a vanity license plant that says NANO PLTF. Carpington loves to walk around singing “Say My Name” by Destiny’s Child, until someone asks him what in the world he’s doing. He then huffs dramatically and says “um, hello, I’m the Carpington in Carpington v. Apple Computers. So unless you’re a moron, you have to realize that I’m kind of a big deal.”
Monday, March 16, 2009
Small Shop Web Flop
For most bankruptcy attorneys, down economic times mean business is booming. Somebody, however, needs to clue in attorney Jennifer Benedict out in Missouri. From the looks of her empty desk, business is a little slow right now. If a prospective client does stop by, maybe he or she will help Ms. Benedict reach one of her pens which seem oh so far away. And can anyone figure out why this site is all about bankruptcy but traffic violation and DUI/DWI are also listed as practice areas? Maybe these were Ms. Benedict's areas of focus when the economy was booming? The Jennifer Benedict Law Office
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