Named Plaintiff Getting a Big Ego

Stewart Carpington remembers exactly how excited he was the day that he purchased his iPod Nano in 2005. “I just loved listening to that thing at work,” explained Carpington, a toll collector on New Jersey’s Garden State Parkway, “but I had no idea how much that piece of crap Nano would change my life.” One month after Carpington bought his iPod, he was contacted by Jennifer Brintzen of Campally & Jones LLP, one of the nation’s most successful plaintiffs’ firms. Brinzton wondered if Caprington ever noticed how easily his iPod Nano scratched, and if he did, would he be interested in becoming a named plaintiff in a class action lawsuit.

“I was surprised to get that call from the lawyer, because I didn’t see anything wrong with my Nano at first,” admitted Carpington, “but after she told me about the special reward I could get as a lead plaintiff, I rubbed the thing face down in my toll booth and bam, it was scratched so bad it wasn’t usable.” The next day Carpington signed up to be the named plaintiff in a class action against Apple seeking damages because the devices scratched excessively during normal usage, rendering the screen on the Nanos unreadable, and violating state consumer protection statutes.

As Mr. Carpington started meeting with lawyers and going to court appearances, he heard a number of comments about how other people needed to be more like him. Before long, this went straight to his head. For example, the night after his deposition Carpington and his wife stopped in for dinner at their neighborhood Applebee’s. When they were told the wait could be 30-45 minutes Stewart erupted with a “do you have any idea who I am?!” When the hostess rolled her eyes in response, Carpington stormed out of the restaurant yelling “you people have no idea how much I’m doing for you.”

Carpington has recently been spotted approaching complete strangers listening to Nanos and advising them to “join his cause.” His Chrysler Sebring also now sports a vanity license plant that says NANO PLTF. Carpington loves to walk around singing “Say My Name” by Destiny’s Child, until someone asks him what in the world he’s doing. He then huffs dramatically and says “um, hello, I’m the Carpington in Carpington v. Apple Computers. So unless you’re a moron, you have to realize that I’m kind of a big deal.”