Associates Stumble Upon Stealth Layoffs

While barely a day goes by without another large law firm announcing economy-driven layoffs, rumors that firms are carrying out other, unannounced layoffs continue to swirl throughout the legal community. Do these so-called “stealth layoffs” really occur? According to several associates who contacted Litination last week, you can put the conspiracy theories to rest; the secret pink slips are for real.

Patrick Wallingford, a third-year associate at Kilpatrick Stockton LLP in Washington, D.C., witnessed a stealth layoff last Friday on his way back to the office from a quick trip to Dunkin’ Donuts. “I was walking back to our offices when I saw Kim Rasmussen, a fifth-year associate in our real estate group, waiting to cross the street on the other side of the block. I called out to wave hello, but before she could respond a man in a long, tan coat came up beside her, said something I couldn’t hear and then whisked her away in a Lincoln Town Car with the license plate ‘MClayton.’ Nobody’s seen or heard from Kim since this day."

Similarly, Kevin Cartwright, a fourth year litigator at Choate Hall & Stewart LLP in Boston, was walking back to his desk from a meeting a couple of weeks ago when he bumped into seventh year associate Tim Wetzel. They talked briefly and then went in opposite directions. All of a sudden, Kevin heard a startled cry from behind him and when he turned around Tim was gone. “I started to jog down the hallway to see what happened, but all of a sudden a partner popped out of his office and asked me if I wanted tickets to the Celtics game that night. The next day when I went by Tim’s office to tell him about the game, the only thing left in his office was the power cord for his laptop.”

According to most reports, firms are targeting only the most forgettable associates in the hopes that the stealth layoffs will generate minimal buzz among the remaining employees. Some firms have even hired professionals from the FBI’s witness protection program for consultation. When this occurs, the stealth layoff typically starts with the elimination of the associate’s bio on the firm website and ends with the creation of a new non-lawyer persona. Any chance we can get these same people to work on “eliminating” CNN’s Nancy Grace?