Obama to Appoint Himself to Supreme Court

Just over 100 days into his presidency, word is surfacing that President Barack Obama has decided to use whatever remains of his personal capital to pull off an astonishing political maneuver. Although news of Justice David Souter’s planned retirement is only days old, President Obama is to announce later this week his decision to fill the impending Supreme Court vacancy with, well, himself. Apparently the choice of holding the highest office in the land or sitting on the highest court in the land has proved too difficult for the Commander in Chief.

Obama reportedly plans to announce his decision on the steps of the Supreme Court in front of a giant replica of the United States Constitution with the words “Change We Can Believe In” scrawled across the document. According to one staffer, the Constitutional issues associated with this move are “unlikely to derail what’s right for America.” So, President Obama will forge ahead and become the first sitting President and Supreme Court Justice in the nation’s history.

To make this possible, Obama will launch a massive public relations campaign to preempt the “predictable argument” that such a move would compromise the checks and balances that are required to make our system of governance work. “If these were ordinary times and this was a typical President, I don’t think it would be possible,” explained University of Virginia School of Law professor Larry J. Sabato, “but I wouldn’t put this one past President Obama. Give that guy a speech on a teleprompter and he could probably even convince me that John Edwards isn't the father of Rielle Hunter's baby.”

While Obama will likely face a fierce confirmation battle in the United States Senate, this gauntlet looks much less daunting now that Arlen Specter has stopped pretending to be a Republican. According to sources not willing to be identified, Specter’s decision to switch parties was driven in part by Obama’s desire to appoint himself to the Supreme Court. When Obama first broached the subject with Specter, the response was frosty, but over several trips for coffee and a late-night scary movie marathon at the White House, Arlen reportedly came around to the idea. He sent the President a text message late on Monday night that said he was “on board” with the plan. Specter then immediately friended the President via Facebook.

Obama reportedly decided on himself after a careful review of all other candidates indicated that any other pick was likely to disappoint him on more than one occasion. Obama then called his opponent in the Presidential election, Senator John McCain, to garner his support before reaching his decision. McCain allegedly laughed maniacally at the suggestion. Obama only got through to him when he pointed out that the idea wasn’t nearly as crazy as asking Sarah Palin to be the Vice President.

(Photo courtesy of ABC News)