New York State to Delay Bar Exam Results for One Year

[For those seeking information regarding New York bar exam results, please note that this article is satirical (Litination Disclaimer). Best of luck to all applicants!]

With a flood of new lawyers about to further saturate an already waterlogged legal market, the New York State Board of Law Examiners have decided to step in and delay the deluge. Citing an "inspiration" from large law firms throughout the state, the Board announced that it will not release the results of the bar examination it administers in July 2009 until the end of 2010. According to a press release issued by the Board of Law Examiners, the delay is "not designed to discourage individuals from the practice of law" but rather, it is "to protect the interest of those lawyers that are already practicing" and to make sure that new lawyers "consider all of their options" before getting licensed as attorneys.

Those closest to the decision indicated that public service agencies throughout New York had advocated strongly for this move. As associates at many private firms were granted handsome stipends in exchange for pursuing public interest positions on a volunteer basis, these agencies were forced to ask long-time employees to take a paycut. "For the past three years, I have worked for $45,000 a year and season tickets to the New York Philharmonic," explained an attorney for the New York Artists Alliance. "After the big firm lawyers started dropping in and offering to work for free, my boss told me I could either take a $15,000 decrease and upper deck Mets tickets or walk my love for the arts out the door. Enough is enough!"

At a recent Bar/Bri lecture at Fordham Law School, the mood was relatively unaffected by the recent news of delayed results. "I guess I should be upset," explained a lifeless recent graduate during a break from a Constitutional Law lecture, "I mean I'm hemorraghing money faster than a General Motors car dealership, but in all honesty even if I was to pass the bar this time around I don't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting a job right now. I mean, I went to Syracuse Law School, so I can't even be trusted with a bathroom break much less a bar license. Maybe in a year or so this whole economic situation and my law school's dismal reputation will have faded from memory?"

To help students cope with this unexpected development, Bar/Bri has inserted two additional lectures into this summer's standard lineup: "Short-Story Writing" and "Launching Your Own Blog." According to a student that has reviewed the materials about writing a blog, the course pretty much encourages individuals to share their life stories with the world. "I guess that'd be pretty interesting," responded Michael Purcell, "except for the fact that we're all unemployed, unlicensed lawyers. What are we going to do, launch a site called Below the Law?"