In a move that is certain to send rumblings through the legal community, New York City law firms Kittredge, Milbank, Johnson, Carter, Steiner & Jones LLP and Smith, Peters, Milton, Green, Greene & Neumann LLP have merged to create the longest named law firm in United States history.
The new firm of Kittredge, Smith, Milbank, Peters, Johnson, Milton, Carter, Green, Steiner, Greene, Jones & Neumann LLP will total a combined 9,485 lawyers spanning the globe from New York City to Bangladesh.
Chairman of the newly created firm, Martin Milbank says he is not worried about having a firm with such a long name. “Seriously, I think people are tired of not knowing who is really in charge when dealing with a law firm,” remarked Milbank. “With all of the names listed on our letterhead, our clients will finally know where the buck stops.” When pressed about how that logic would apply to the six names in the firm’s title that belong to now deceased partners, Milbanks brushed aside such criticism with a dismissive, “that’s neither here nor there.”
The new firm’s website http://www.ksmpjmcgsgjn.com is also breaking boundaries as far as how firms market themselves on the web. In an era where law firms are trending toward shorter names and hence shorter web addresses, Kittredge, Smith, Milbank, Peters, Johnson, Milton, Carter, Green, Steiner, Greene, Jones & Neumann LLP is marching to the beat of its own drum. This, however, is not sitting well with new associate Lauren Epcott who is frustrated at how hard it will be to get friends and relatives to get to her firm’s website.
“Honestly, when I tried telling my Mom where she could go online to see my picture and biography on the firm’s website, it was a nightmare,” complained Epcott. “My Mom literally asked me to start over three times, and one time when I was right in the middle of listing out our web address our cell phone connection cut out.” Lauren also remarked that her new business card is so full of names that it’s impossible to write her personal cellphone number on it when she’s handing it out at bars. “Since the merger, I haven’t had one guy call me back after giving out my number at a bar. I think it’s because of how small of a space I have to write anything on my business card.” Epcott remarked sadly. “When we were just Smith, Peters, Milton, Green, Greene & Neumann LLP I was hooking up like twice a week…this is miserable.”
Also frustrated with the merger is firm receptionist Betty Kunkle. Saying “Hello, this is Kittredge, Smith, Milbank, Peters, Johnson, Milton, Carter, Green, Steiner, Greene, Jones & Neumann LLP, how may I direct your call isn’t a walk in the park,” said Kunkle. “I mean I used to have our firm’s name down without a problem, but now every time I answer the phone I’m leaving out at least one name,” said Kunkle. In fact, Kunkle admits that sometimes she just doesn’t say the firm’s name when she answers the phone. “I know it’s not professional and all that, but sometimes my mouth just hurts saying all of those names,” admitted a defeated Kunkle.
The recent merger flys in the face of the recent move by Kipler, Davis, Whitler & Penny P.C. which recently changed its firm name to the symbol “!”. Bill Kipler, managing partner at “!” claimed, “our new name shows our commitment to reducing our client’s costs; just think how many billable hours are saved no longer typing out our entire name on pleadings, letters, etc.” This is a change from the move “!” made two years ago when it started calling itself “the law firm formerly known as Kipler, Davis, Whitler & Penny.” Such a move truly back-fired as most of the firm’s clients thought the firm had ceased operations. What all of these changes mean nobody really knows. One thing is clear, according to Martin Milbank and the lawyers at KSMPJMCGSGJN LLP, “the practice of law will always be more than a bunch of name calling.” Or will it…?
