Partner Doppelganger

If Keating, Muething & Klekamp partner Patrick Fisher
had a doppelganger it would be...

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Associate Photo Caption

"Before becoming a lawyer, I spent a year living with a pride of lions."

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Tennessee Bar Association Takes on Esquire Magazine

Concerned that the unauthorized practice of law is beginning to “get out of hand”, the Tennessee Bar Association (TBA) recently announced that is has started a campaign to ban the sale of Esquire magazine throughout the state. While recent studies show that Esquire is read by less than .5% of Tennessee’s population, TBA President Haley Crutchinson deemed the move “vital to preserving the unique and proud role that the esquire designation holds in Tennessee society.”

In a press release distributed last week, Mr. Crutchinson pointed out that since colonial times, the title Esquire has been used to designate one trained to practice law. “To allow Esquire magazine to profit from the centuries of hard work that lawyers have had to put in to protect this designation is downright criminal,” hollered an irate Crutchinson during a speech at a TBA banquet in Nashville last month. “Further, I am worried that the average Tennessean will be misled by the advice that’s in the magazine. Nothing could be worse than what Esquire has been doing to undermine the special relationship that has always existed between attorney and client.”

Esquire public relations director Stuart Molkin has indicated that the company is trying to work with Mr. Crutchinson and the TBA to resolve this issue. “We are always committed to resolving any issues related to our magazine,” explained Mr. Molkin, “but to be honest, we are kind of frustrated with the situation because we really have no idea what Mr. Crutchinson is talking about. The feature story in our last issue was on Hollywood’s best dressed men. Construing that as legal advice is like mistaking a Hillary Clinton campaign flier for the Sport Illustrated swimsuit issue.”

When asked to point to specific instances when the magazine crossed the line, Mr. Crutchinson quickly points to a piece in the March 2007 issue of Esquire titled, “Divorcing with Grace: The Key to Sleeping with Your Secretary and Still Staying Friends with Your Ex-Wife.” “That article basically coached the reader through the difficult legal terrain that comes up when you’re going through a divorce,” explained the twice divorced Crutchinson. “It even suggested ways that men could make sure that ‘the kid’ would end up with Mom so as not to cramp the new bachelor’s style. Not only is this terrible advice, but it will only make our jobs as lawyers more difficult.”

Unfortunately for both sides, this incident has garnered national attention…and embarrassment. During his monologue last night, comedian Jay Leno said, “Don’t you think Tennessee lawyers should worry a little less about the unauthorized practice of law and a little more about the fact that there basically aren’t any laws in Tennessee?” Not to be outdone, Dave Letterman took a swipe at Esquire, claiming the only thing it should be concerned about being banned for is the “incompetent practice of journalism.”

Reached for comment on this issue at his Beverly Hills home last week, Esquire poster-child George Clooney simply stated that “none of this ever would have happened had somebody picked up the phone and called Michael Clayton.” Clooney then informed Litination that he was smiling seductively before asking if Esquire was still planning to name him the sexiest man alive for the eighth time in ten years.

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Partner Doppleganger

If K&L Gates partner Holly K. Towle had a doppleganger it would be...

"Ch-ch-ch-chia!"

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Highlighting Method Dries Up

Tulane first year law student Desirae Peters started preparing for 1L year immediately following her college graduation in May 2008 when she proudly purchased her very first hornbook, “Law School Confidential”. Once she read about the famous five color highlighting scheme for briefing cases, she couldn’t wait to get started on that first case in August. For those not privy to the deep secrets shared in this book, the “suggested” method involves highlighting in green for facts, yellow for the holding and procedural posture, orange for legal reasoning, purple for dissent and blue for court, judge, date and precedent cited.

According to several eye witnesses, the method flat out saved Ms. Peters from an unexpected line of questioning on the dissent’s rationale in week two of Contracts from the legendary Professor Smith. Then halfway through the semester, she flat out rocked her Torts midterm, receiving a surprise A- that she attributes entirely to her ability to specifically recall the yellow text in her casebook – the holding – photographically during the exam. Somewhere after that, however, the motto of “highlight sparingly” started to fade from her memory and the whole system got out of control.

Always looking to over-achieve and appear more organized to her section mates, Desirae’s started adding colors; first, it was light blue for dicta, and then it was red for topics she thought the professor would reference in the final. Before she knew it, her case textbooks began to resemble a child’s coloring book. By November, without even thinking through the consequences, she added black for passages addressed during class and brown for the topics the professor did end up addressing during class.

Unfortunately, finals have not been kind to Ms. ROYGBIV. Her idea to print out and highlight her class notes using this same nine color scheme proved costly as highlighter fading caused her to mistake the original blue precedent for light blue dicta during her Civ. Pro exam. Yikes. Then during her Torts final she ended up running out of time on the last essay because she spent too much time highlighting the questions. When she left her Criminal Law exam covered in tears and marker stains, other Tulane students began to wonder if maybe Ms. Peters spent too much time sniffing her highlighters this semester.

After this experience, Ms. Peters decided to sell her copy of “Law School Confidential” back to Tulane’s bookstore. Unfortunately they wouldn’t accept it – too many highlighted pages.

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