Contract Attorney Decides to Spend Afternoon Reviewing Ex-Girlfriend's Emails

With work “kind of slow” these days, Evan McFadden has been searching for ways to fill his weekdays. A 2006 graduate of Tulane Law School, McFadden has spent much of the past three years working as a contract attorney. Typically, this means he will spend eight to twelve hours staring at a computer reviewing hundreds of documents per hour. With the downturn in litigation, however, McFadden hasn’t worked in almost a month.

Facing another day of Law & Order re-runs, McFadden made a decision today to get back on his document reviewing feet. Pulling on his old fraternity sweatshirt, he mapped out a plan to spend his afternoon reviewing the emails he exchanged with his college girlfriend Jess Phelps. “Jess and I used to email like multiple times an hour, every hour. Luckily, I saved all of these emails,” explained a focused McFadden. In order to feed his unhealthy obsession with his ex and keep his reviewing skills sharp, McFadden plans to sort the emails into key moments in their relationship.

“My plan is to look through everything first and flag the emails where we said that we loved each other,” explained McFadden. “I mean, she cheated on me during the end of our senior year, so I’m really interested to see if the love emails kind of trailed off at any point." McFadden also plans to scan Jess's emails for any reaction to the 20 or 30 poems he wrote her. "I think she liked them, but I can't remember if she ever verbalized it. Probably not, since I sent her most of them after we broke up."

Unfortunately, this is not the first time McFadden has reviewed emails for no legal purpose. Last fall, his roommate Jeff left for work while still logged into his email on his laptop. McFadden took advantage of this forgetful moment, by "honing his review skills" on Jeff's personal correspondence. "That really was a turning point in our friendship," explained a somewhat embarrassed McFadden. "I mean how can you take a guy seriously when you find out his Mom still calls him pumpkin pants?"

McFadden has promised himself not to get too down when reviewing the emails, but he hasn't ruled out a phone call if things get emotional. So Jess, if you're reading this, I hope you've changed your number.