Supreme Court Kicks Off "No Votes = Free Floats" Promotion

WASHINGTON, DC - Think some ice cream drenched in a fountain soda of your choice can cure even the worst case of the legal blues? Even if you don’t, the Supreme Court of the United States sure does. Today, flanked by a life-sized root beer bottle and a mound of soft serve ice cream, Chief Justice John Roberts announced a new partnership between the nation’s highest court and A&W Root Beer that is sure to bring out the kid in any experienced appellate lawyer.

Under the terms of the promotion, titled “Float Your Argument Elsewhere,” each time the Supreme Court renders a decision, counsel for the losing side can use his or her Supreme Court visitor badge to redeem a free Root Beer Float at any participating A&W store. The badge must be used at an A&W within 24 hours of when the Supreme Court’s decision is announced and cannot be used in conjunction with any other promotion or redeemed for cash.

“A&W, with its ‘All American Food’ slogan seemed like a natural fit for this promotion,” explained Roberts when Litination sat down with him over a basket of Corn Dog Nuggets and Fries. “It was really the late Chief Justice Rehnquist’s idea, so it’s a shame he’s not here to see it in action. You see, since we only grant certiorari to review the most complicated issues, it was hard for Bill, and frankly all of us, to see the expressions on the losing attorneys’ faces. Now, with this promotion, you can actually see some of the fourth and fifth chair attorneys get a little excited at the frosty delight that’s headed their way.”

Roberts may be on to something. Local A&W store owner, Martin Van Clyven, can recall numerous times when he’s seen customers provide a Supreme Court visitor badge in exchange for Root Beer Float. “Most of the time, these people look like they haven’t slept or seen natural light in weeks so I feel a sense of relief in giving them a root beer float,” explained Clyven when questioned about the promotion. “What’s also interesting is that several times I’ve had these customers ask me for a job. Seriously, I’ve got a Columbia Law School grad running my store in Bethesda. I know, a little risky, but it’s not rocket science so I’m sure with time he’ll get the hang of it.”