If Milbank Tweed partner James G. Cavoli had a
doppelganger it would be...
the hapless assistant of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Beaker.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Partner Doppelganger
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Obama to Appoint Himself to Supreme Court
Just over 100 days into his presidency, word is surfacing that President Barack Obama has decided to use whatever remains of his personal capital to pull off an astonishing political maneuver. Although news of Justice David Souter’s planned retirement is only days old, President Obama is to announce later this week his decision to fill the impending Supreme Court vacancy with, well, himself. Apparently the choice of holding the highest office in the land or sitting on the highest court in the land has proved too difficult for the Commander in Chief.
Obama reportedly plans to announce his decision on the steps of the Supreme Court in front of a giant replica of the United States Constitution with the words “Change We Can Believe In” scrawled across the document. According to one staffer, the Constitutional issues associated with this move are “unlikely to derail what’s right for America.” So, President Obama will forge ahead and become the first sitting President and Supreme Court Justice in the nation’s history.
To make this possible, Obama will launch a massive public relations campaign to preempt the “predictable argument” that such a move would compromise the checks and balances that are required to make our system of governance work. “If these were ordinary times and this was a typical President, I don’t think it would be possible,” explained University of Virginia School of Law professor Larry J. Sabato, “but I wouldn’t put this one past President Obama. Give that guy a speech on a teleprompter and he could probably even convince me that John Edwards isn't the father of Rielle Hunter's baby.”
While Obama will likely face a fierce confirmation battle in the United States Senate, this gauntlet looks much less daunting now that Arlen Specter has stopped pretending to be a Republican. According to sources not willing to be identified, Specter’s decision to switch parties was driven in part by Obama’s desire to appoint himself to the Supreme Court. When Obama first broached the subject with Specter, the response was frosty, but over several trips for coffee and a late-night scary movie marathon at the White House, Arlen reportedly came around to the idea. He sent the President a text message late on Monday night that said he was “on board” with the plan. Specter then immediately friended the President via Facebook.
Obama reportedly decided on himself after a careful review of all other candidates indicated that any other pick was likely to disappoint him on more than one occasion. Obama then called his opponent in the Presidential election, Senator John McCain, to garner his support before reaching his decision. McCain allegedly laughed maniacally at the suggestion. Obama only got through to him when he pointed out that the idea wasn’t nearly as crazy as asking Sarah Palin to be the Vice President.
(Photo courtesy of ABC News)
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Associate Photo Caption
"I like to wear this bow with my suit because Daddy says I'm as pretty as a package. He also still calls me 'Half-Pint' which I guess could be embarrassing if a client ever found out."
Monday, May 4, 2009
Requests for Admission
Request 1. Westlaw is, and always will be, better than LexisNexis. (MSNBC)
Request 2. President Obama could and should win this year's American Idol contest. (NBC News)
Request 3. You are not surprised that man of the people, Jesse Jackson, doesn't fly commercial and doesn't always show up for his speaking engagements. (The Smoking Gun)
Request 4. One benefit of losing your job and not having any money is that you don't have to wash your hands as frequently. (NYTimes)
Request 5. If all of the car makers went under, you would drive a Ford. (MSNBC)
Read More......
Friday, May 1, 2009
Things Lawyers Like - The Working Lunch
The power lunch has long been a fixture of Corporate America. Most lawyers, however, have no association with the concept. Instead, lawyers pride themselves on a different approach to lunch; one that involves continued reading, typing or listening in on a conference call. This allows the lawyer to address two of his essential hungers - sustenance and billable hours.
When an attorney eats lunch at his desk, the perfect aura is portrayed to those who work around him. The lawyer is telling the world that he doesn’t have time for a break today (other than frequent checks of the internet, personal phone calls and emails). This causes those who walk by the lawyer’s office to wonder why this diligent warrior has chosen to make his office smell like a chicken cheese steak for the rest of the day. The inevitable conclusion is either that guy has nobody to go to lunch with or he is a busy bee, generating fees for the greater good at the expense of some friendly lunch banter. In other words, the risk of being labeled a loner is worth the potential reward.
If a lawyer goes out to lunch, he should always make sure it is under the cover of a client meeting. Lawyers that find themselves relaxing in the employee cafeteria for an hour or two can pretty much count on a visit from the pink slip fairy. The reality is that lunch is nothing more than a barrier to a fully productive day to the lawyer. In fact, rumor has it that in most law firms a partner has not fully read your draft of a deal document or memo unless you can find a food stain on it. All of this talk of lunch making you hungry? Go ahead and grab some lunch you champion of right and wrong – just make sure you have them make it “to go.”
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