In honor of President's Day, Litination brings you this flop showcasing the perfect balance of three scales of justice with three American flags. With this much patriotism and a willingness to accept American Express, you bet your Lady Liberty that "You are going to feel a whole lot better" after your free consultation.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Small Shop Web Flop
Friday, February 13, 2009
Associate Photo Caption
Things Lawyers Like – Non-Lawyers
Lawyers often worry that their legal training provides a useful, yet annoying, set of critical thinking skills. Sure, these skills make lawyers indispensible to their clients, but they also carry the unfortunate consequence of making the lawyer intolerable to the average Joe. In order to compensate for these feelings of social ineptitude, lawyers like to reference stories that involve their non-lawyer friends as much as possible. For lawyers, the non-lawyer leads a more interesting, yet not as intellectually challenging life that should be revered.
The ultimate coup for a lawyer is to date or marry a non-lawyer. This may prove difficult for a lawyer to accomplish because non-lawyers usually have more time to date, have more practice with dating and can carry on first-date conversations that don’t include terms like summary judgment, deposition or sua sponte. If a lawyer is lucky enough to acquire a non-lawyer mate, numerous doors will be opened for him. Beyond the pleasure that comes with not having to break the news to family and friends that he is dating another member of his own profession (can you say boring?), dating a non-lawyer also creates sought-after opportunities such as invitations to sports leagues or social events that are not limited to lawyers.
Unfortunately, it is often difficult for lawyers to return to lawyer-only functions after participating in non-lawyer events. As a result, it is safer for the lawyer to only spend enough time with non-lawyers to be able to reference them as friends while not coming to the realization that the life of a non-lawyer might be too tempting to pass up.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Partner Doppelganger
If Sonnenschein Nath & Rosenthal LLP partner
Steven J. Gray had a doppelganger it would be...
Academy Award-winning movieman Robert Redford.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Millionth Hour Associate Given Rest of Evening Off
In what has become an annual tradition at Penner & Golkins, LLP, ninth-year associate Frederick J. Evanston, IV was honored this week as the associate to bill the millionth hour of the year for the firm. Mr. Evanston, a perennial all-star biller, reached the milestone at 8:12PM on Monday night while finalizing a settlement agreement for one of the five class action cases on which he is riding seventh chair.
“I was in the middle of incorporating some changes from a conference call with the client and all of a sudden ‘CONGRATULATIONS!’ started flashing on my screen and the fire alarm went off,” described a humble Evans. “I thought it was spam, that I’d lost all my changes and that the building was on fire, but then it dawned on me that I might have hit the million.”
Evanston is the first associate to hit the million while actually in his or her office in the past three years. Last year, third-year associate Meredith Figgins billed the millionth hour from a stall in the women’s bathroom on the 23rd floor. Ms. Figgins, who has since left the firm, apparently left her timer on so when a band of partners came rushing by her office with confetti and streamers she was nowhere to be found. Similarly, fifth-year Allan Nipler billed the millionth hour two years ago while on the 15th green at the local municipal golf course. “Sure, it was unconventional,” explained Nipler from his office at his new lobbying firm in Washington, DC, “but I always tell my assistant to let my timer roll while I’m on the links. I do some of my best thinking with my soft spikes on.”
Moments after the hour was billed, Evans received a congratulatory call from the head of the firm, Michael C. Eppers, Jr. Then, shockingly, Eppers, Jr. gave Evanston, IV the night off. “That’s when I knew that hitting the million was a big deal around here,” stated an awestruck Evanston. “I can’t even imagine what would happen if I hit the million two years in a row. I’m thinking somebody would be getting some federal holidays off!”
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