"Your Honor, may I approach?"

Please? Pretty please? You see, I’ve got something you might want to look at. Now wait, before you answer that, I know what you’re thinking; if I get up there to give you this document I’m going to ruin the Soduku you’re working on. Or, maybe I’ll see that you aren’t wearing any pants under that silk robe of yours. As an aside, can I take this quick moment to note that black looks great on you? Seriously, with your ashen complexion it’s a great complement…I mean if I may say so respectfully as friends or colleagues or a…ugh…

Ok, look. This isn’t coming out right. Basically, I want to approach and have a little side bar with you because I feel like something’s come between us. I guess what I’m trying to say judge is that…well…you had me at “you may be seated.” Ever since I entered my appearance in this case… By the way, did you get that? No? Well, I sent a courtesy copy to your office and actually to your house too. Just to make sure you received it. Well, ok, I didn’t just send it to your house, I dropped it off. Your wife’s a real gem. Either way, whether you know I’m entered or not, ever since I entered my appearance I’ve been looking for the right time to let you know that I’m going to be a part of this case and your life for the foreseeable future and I think you’re going to like it.

Yeah, now I’m way off track here, I recognize that. Just like I recognize a lot of important things, like how you’ve been presiding over this whole case with such grace. I mean every time we stand up you let us sit down in almost no time. You’re such a great listener and reader and thinker just to name a few things that come to mind when I’m thinking about you judge. You see, I think about you a lot these days. I totally love the idiosyncrasies in your policies and procedures. I have those things literally plastered on my office walls. You want your documents 1.5 spaced? You’ve got your man. You want me to only use Lexis cites on papers filed Monday and Tuesday and Westlaw on Wednesday through Friday? Done.

So, when I say “Your honor, may I approach,” I’m asking for more than just a moment to walk up there with something you probably won’t even give a glance. I’m asking to step across this divide and reconnect with you. With all due respect, I think with a little bit of communication we can really start to make this work.

Don’t feel like it right now? Seriously? Ok, I’ll tell you what. If you don’t want to do this now I’m just going to drop my card off here at counsel’s table. Maybe once you’ve gotten some rest in your office later or had a moment to collect your thoughts we can try this again? Gosh, what time is it even Judge? 10AM? Oh my, I have quite the nerve to bother you this early in the morning. Tell you what. I’m just going to pipe down and grab a seat here. If you want me you can reach me anytime…anywhere…I’ll be there your honor; waiting to approach.