Google Added as Permanent 13th Juror

Realizing that the internet age has changed the reality of jury deliberations, the San Francisco Superior Court declared yesterday that it intends to add Google as a permanent 13th juror in all future trials. Chief Justice Steven Creet announced the decision via a text message during this year’s Juror Appreciation Day ceremony. “Jurors, from this point forward, we agree to play by your rules. Thx 4 ur service.”

“Let me tell you about the straw that broke the camel’s back,” Creet explained when reached via telephone. “The other month, a defense attorney told me that he got feedback on his opening statement from a friend who read about it on one of the juror’s Facebook pages. Apparently, it was an excruciating experience for the juror and she wanted to let her friends and family feel her pain. After that incident, we decided we needed to meet our jurors half way or the process might lose credibility.”

As a result of this change, the Superior Court’s standard jury charge has undergone some revision. The following section:

“Jurors must not conduct any investigation of the case before them. As a juror you must not become an amateur detective. For instance, you must not visit the scene of an accident, an alleged crime, or any event or transaction involved in the case. Neither should you conduct experiments or consult any other person or reference works for additional information.”

Now is to be stated as follows:

“Jurors, we might as well just be honest with each other from the get go. Even if I tell you not to consult outside sources during the course of this trial, the minute we call it a day you’re going to be all over the internet channeling your inner Sherlock Holmes. So, during each and every break make sure you take time to gather around the computer in the jury deliberation room and Google anything you want. Just make sure you elect a foreperson who can type.”

Jurors have had mixed reactions to the news. “I just hope our foreperson lets me do some internet shopping if there’s nothing to Google,” said a smiling juror number 4. In contrast, juror number 7 was heard grumbling for a pay raise if the job now involved research.